Civilization IV: Warlords

I Have No idea why I play this game. None. I have all the strategic smarts of a mousse. Saying that I'm fairly certain that a refrigerated mixture of whipped sugar, egg whites and cream would be better at this game than me.

Even on the lowest difficulty setting (Moron) I'm continually beaten. Last time I played it, my civilization of eight cities was overrun by barbarians. To me a 'barbarian' runs about with clubs wearing furs. In Civ4 they seem to take over your cities and threaten you with aircraft carriers and nuclear weapons.

Actually, I did well in that game having eight cities. Normally I can't build more than five. I know what the problem is - I love building Wonders. When all the other Al civilisations are pumping out Settlers and boats to colonise every part of the world, and military units to make war, I'm wasting resources by sticking up Pyramids, Great Walls, Angkor Wats, Hanging Gardens, and Rock 'n' Rolls.

I have no idea how to be diplomatic, and listen in wonder as David says how he goads other civilizations into war. I didn't realise you could take over cities using Culture until Will told me, weeks after I stopped playing. And as for warfare, I don't bother with it, because I'm incompetent.

Really the only reason I play Civ4 is the technology tree. I find it endlessly fascinating how you can get Writing before Alphabet, and how a Code of Laws creates Monarchy, and how fundamental Farming is, yet Irrigation is missing.

That and I love making the Kremlin appear in London.