Leadfoot: Stadium Off-Road Racing

Describe the game: a stadium bassed off-road racing simulation. Elaborate: souped-up trucks and buggies driving around dirt tracks and over jumps and bumps for whooping Yanks' amusement Speculate wildly how many people are interested in the sport over here: five. Try to explain why people should care: the game attempts to recreate the thrills and excitement of meaty, throbbing engines and stomach-churning stunts. But? Fails. Why? Extremely difficult handling. How? Oil on an ice rink grip and oversensitive steering. Does this result from an attempt to steer away from instant access arcade action towards a simulated physics approach? Yes. Anything else? An anal level of detail in relation to tuning your vehicle. Isn't that a good thing? Not if you have to do it to come in anything higher than last place. Aren't you just being shit? No. Reason? This is on the lowest difficulty setting. Explain difficulties in relation to driver Al: they never make mistakes. What are the consequences of turning AI down to 0 per cent? The cars at the back go slightly slower but still follow a near perfect racing line.

Give your opinion on the graphics: functional. Expand: utilitarian second-generation video card textures. Correlate graphics with atmosphere: functional. Is this because of a rigid cut-out crowd, muted presence of competition and unremarkable stunt effects? Possibly. Return to a description of modes: two - quick race and career. Was career enjoyable?

Not really. Why? The soul-sapping atmosphere, mechanical tinkering and lack of instant accessibility deterred me from generating the sort of immediate arousal expected from the sport. Question the possibility of people persevering: do you really want to spend hours improving your skills on a lacklustre game when you could be playing Colin McCrae 27 Condense the above information: it's a bit dull. Would you like a biscuit? Yes, please.