Tunnel B1

Hose Of You With Fully-Functioning 20/20 Eyesight can't possibly have failed to notice a 100% increase in the number of CDS strapped to the front of this particular issue of the world's finest magazine. If we carry on showering you with gifts, people will say we're 'an item'. You'll need to hide us under the bed each time your loved one comes in. We'll check into classy countryside hotels under the name "Mr and Magazine Smith". Life will degenerate to the level of bawdy farce - but through it all, we'll find true love.

Er, anyway. Back to Tunnel B1. It's really pretty incredible. Jaw-dropping, in fact. Some of the finest visuals you could wish for. Here's the deal: you've got to fly this snappy little spaceship-cum-hovercraft thing into a great big tunnel and destroy a bunch of reactors lurking therein. Once that's done, you go on to the next stage. Simple, eh?

Well, er, no, actually. It's far from simple. We didn't mention the amount of peril you'll encounter. There are loads of laser turrets, grenade launchers and mobile robotic defence systems doing their utmost to kill you. You'll need to take them out as quickly as possible. Then there's the radio-active crates to consider. Destroy one and a vital power-up will appear, with a countdown over its head. Fail to collect it in time and things get nasty, in a searing-irradiated-death kind of way. So be careful.

And what's more, destroying the reactors is quite tricky. Just a few seconds after they start to blow, a set of emergency blast doors will close, severing them from the rest of the complex. For God's sake make sure you're on the right side when meltdown occurs. Oh. and you'll have to destroy several of them, within a set period of time, in order to escape. Take too long and they repair themselves, forcing you to go back and knock 'em out again.

Check out the map if you get lost, and do take the time to try out all the different weapons. Still confused? Then sit back and watch the rolling demo - it'll make things far, far clearer. Smart!

Controls

You can control the game with a joystick, or that unwieldy 128-button gamepad you call a keyboard.

A or Cursor Up - Hurtle onward, ever onward, like some kind of will o' the wisp racing against the Devil himself.

Z or Cursor Down - Concentrate your efforts upon accelerating in a direction diametrically opposed to the one you were pursuing a few moments earlier.

Cursor Left - Adjust the camber of your vehicle, until its incline lies in favour of the port flank.

Cursor Right - Deviate from your present course, toward an imaginary goal upon your starboard side.

Ctrl - Unleash a formidable salvo of ammunition, enough to test the most iron of wills. We'll thwart their dastardly schemes yet, sir!

Space - Bombard the confounded horde with one of your secondary weapons; an incendiary projectile or grenade shall soon put a stop to their merry dance, sir, just you see if it doesn't.

Alt - Deceive the opposition by depressing this key, then directing your craft with either the port or starboard controls. Aha! An artful ruse, such as will see you crowned King of the subterranean helmsmen, and may God strike me dumb if it isn't so, sir. Dumb, sir, dumb.

Tab - Consult your auto-map; an elegant delineation, effortlessly representing your surroundings in a fashion that is every bit as utilitarian as the situation demands, without losing any of its congenital aesthetic charm.

Ins/Del - Leaf through a jolly collection of disparate weapon upgrades.

PgUp/PgOn - Browse at leisure through the various projectile defences at your disposal.

P - Induce a brief cessation of duties; time enough to usher the ladies from the room and concentrate your powers upon the task at hand.